I've been in denial for a few months, but I'm finally ready to come out with it. I've been smoking, AGAIN. I'm not sure how this happens to me, but I fall back into this disgusting habit as if I've never quit in the first place. I ALWAYS give myself permission to have "just one" or, "You are stressed, go ahead and buy a pack." Every time it ends up with me buying a pack every other day, and becoming a hard core smoker, yet again.
This time, it's different though. I have a baby to look after and raise. Do I want to be an embarrassment to him and be THAT mom that smokes?? Or do I want to become ill and have him watch me die? No, no I do not. Patrick was the one who finally knocked some sense into me and brought all of that to my attention the other night. I was in such denial, I really didn't think any of that could ever happen to me. Why do I think I'm invincible and that years and years of off and on smoking won't eventually effect my health? I guess that is the game of addiction, and I am no different from anyone else struggling with it. Whether it is alcohol, heroin, cigarettes....it's all the same chemical reaction in your brain.
I'm on day 3 of no cigarettes. This will be my THIRD time quitting. I'm hoping it sticks, for real this time. I don't want to be a smoker and I want to live a healthier life.
One day at a time....
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