A year, ALREADY!

As we approach Kaden's first birthday in the next week, I thought I should take some time to finally write his birth story.  A few different people have asked if I have ever written it down so I wouldn't forget it. I don't think that day is ever something I will forget, but writing it down isn't such a bad idea.


It was 3:30am on June 25, 2012, four days before my due date.  I woke up to a gush....I thought to myself, "Wow, I seriously just peed my pants."  I got up, changed my PJ's and went back to bed not even thinking that I might possibly be in labor.  Finally woke up to my alarm around 7am and the gush happened two more times as I was in the shower. I was in denial that my water broke because you just don't even know what to expect with your first baby.  I continued on with my morning, got ready and went to work. When I left I told Patrick that I thought my water had broke and to get a bag ready for himself just in case.  I got to work and talked to my mom, she was like, "Uhhhh why are you at work?! Let's go to the hospital!!!"  She drove me to St. Mark's and sure enough, the nurse checked me and my water, had in fact, broke. Shocker. HAHA! So I was admitted into labor and delivery. Called Patrick, he headed down as quickly as he could. 

Once I got into my room, they hooked me up to the Pictocin and got my labor going.  Meanwhile, his heart rate kept dropping. I was moving into many many different positions to try and get it to stabilize.  I got my epidural right as more family was starting to show up. Epidural is amazing, I'm not sure why anyone would want to give birth without one, but that's a whole other story. 

At around 8:30 that night, his heart rate dropped dangerously low, low to the point that people were panicking.  Next thing I know, a nurse is giving me a shot to stop my contractions and papers are being shoved in my face because I needed a C-section, STAT!  Patrick wasn't even in the room at that point and he almost missed the opportunity to come back with me!  They wheeled me to the OR as Patrick was trying to get dressed in his scrubs for surgery.  They took me back, prepped me, and started making their first cut and Patrick finally was let in! Whew.  They made their first cut at 8:57 and had Kaden out at 9pm on the dot! 

If I could even describe the feeling of seeing your baby for the first time, I would. But I honestly can't even put into words how I was feeling at that moment. It was the most scary, awesome, incredible, joyous, nerve racking experience I'm sure I will ever endure.  I will never ever forget the look on Patrick's face as the doctor looked at him and said, "What's his name?" And Patrick looked at her, with huge tears in his eyes and choked out, "Kaden."  It was seriously the most precious moment I've ever seen.  Such a proud dad who was probably as terrified as I was, trying to be strong for me and his baby.  I really think that was the most memorable part of my experience at the hospital....so damn sweet. 







After all was said and done, we had a beautiful baby boy who weighed in at 6lbs 11oz and was 20 inches long.  He was the most perfect little baby I've ever seen. ( I'm fairly certain every parent says that)  Our hospital stay was four nights and we finally got to take our sweet boy home.

That's when the journey really begins.  The countless nights of hardly no sleep, the constant spitting up, the crying for no reason, the ear infections, RSV, etc were so hard at times I really didn't think I was going to make it.  But then that sweet, precious face looks up at you and it honestly makes all that other stuff worth it.  The way he smells, laughs, looks at me, cries because he just wants me to hold him, the rocking him to sleep, singing and reading to him, bath time, all his sweet giggles, peek-a-boo, strangers telling me how handsome he is, his big beautiful BLUE eyes, his crazy hair...I could go on and on about what I love about this boy.....but what I love most is that me and Patrick created this little human and that he is allllll mine!  I couldn't have asked for a more perfect baby. 

What a ride this year has been,  but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

I will never learn.

I've been in denial for a few months, but I'm finally ready to come out with it. I've been smoking, AGAIN.  I'm not sure how this happens to me, but I fall back into this disgusting habit as if I've never quit in the first place.  I ALWAYS give myself permission to have "just one" or, "You are stressed, go ahead and buy a pack."  Every time it ends up with me buying a pack every other day, and becoming a hard core smoker, yet again.

This time, it's different though.  I have a baby to look after and raise. Do I want to be an embarrassment to him and be THAT mom that smokes?? Or do I want to become ill and have him watch me die? No, no I do not.  Patrick was the one who finally knocked some sense into me and brought all of that to my attention the other night.  I was in such denial, I really didn't think any of that could ever happen to me. Why do I think I'm invincible and that years and years of off and on smoking won't eventually effect my health?  I guess that is the game of addiction, and I am no different from anyone else struggling with it.  Whether it is alcohol, heroin, cigarettes....it's all the same chemical reaction in your brain. 

I'm on day 3 of no cigarettes. This will be my THIRD time quitting.  I'm hoping it sticks, for real this time.  I don't want to be a smoker and I want to live a healthier life. 

One day at a time....

And here we go....

Well, here I am!  I've been contemplating creating a blog for months now and I've finally taken the plunge.  I have so many thoughts and ideas running through my brain at any given moment of the day, so I thought this would be the perfect spot to write them all down.
 
I recently became a mom to a handsome baby boy last June, and that has changed my life in so many ways.  I feel like I am the same person that I always was, but even better!  It's been a hard balance as a Mom, wife, step-mom, full time employee, but as the days go on, I am getting better and better at my new life. 

This blog will mainly consist of my random thoughts/ideas, my baby boy, and anything else that I feel like ranting about. Hope you all enjoy my somewhat boring, yet complicated life :)